Many newcomers are surprised to find that Germans don’t always engage in casual small talk with strangers or invite new acquaintances home quickly.
But here’s the truth: while Germans may seem reserved at first, once you break the initial barrier, friendships tend to be deep, loyal, and long-lasting. The key is understanding how social interaction works here – and avoiding a few cultural missteps.
1. Understand the German approach to friendship
Germans often separate their relationships into “acquaintances” (Bekannte) and “friends” (Freunde).
Acquaintances: People you see regularly (colleagues, classmates, neighbours) but don’t necessarily invite into your private life.
Friends: People you trust and invest time in – and once you’re in this circle, you’re in for the long run.
Cultural insight: In some countries, you can call someone a friend after just a few chats. In Germany, friendship is usually built over time through shared experiences.
2. Where to meet people
· Clubs and associations (Vereine): Sports teams, hiking clubs, choir groups – Germany has a Verein for almost everything.
· Language exchanges: Meet Germans who want to practise your language while you practise theirs.
· Community courses: Cooking, dancing, photography – great for meeting locals with similar interests.
· Volunteering: Many Germans volunteer, and it’s a great way to integrate into a community.
3. How to move from acquaintance to friend
· Be consistent: Germans value reliability – showing up when you say you will builds trust.
· Share activities: Invite people to join you for a hike, museum visit, or local festival.
· Respect personal space: Friendships grow steadily; avoid pushing for too much closeness too soon.
4. What not to do
- Expect instant friendship: Pushing too fast can make people uncomfortable.
- Be vague with plans: Saying “We should meet sometime” without setting a date often leads nowhere. Germans prefer concrete arrangements.
- Arrive late: Punctuality is seen as a sign of respect in social situations too.
5. Conversation tips
Skip superficial small talk once you know someone – deeper, more meaningful conversations are appreciated.
Avoid overly personal questions early on (income, religion, politics) unless the topic naturally comes up.
Show interest in German culture, traditions, and even regional differences – it’s a great way to connect.
6. Building trust takes time
Friendship in Germany is like a good sourdough bread – it needs time to rise. But once it’s ready, it’s solid and satisfying. Many expats say their German friends are the ones they can count on years later, no matter the distance.
